Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Ashford

I’m fucking drunk. Not happy drunk, either, Mel fuckign Gibson drunk. C. left about two hours ago and took the kids with her, eveyrbody crying and screaming. She took the car and left me here in the motel room with the laptop and three bottles of cabernet that we picked up in Worcester last week. I’m most of the way through the htird bottle now. It’s expnesive stuff and can’t taste it anymore but it doesn’t matter. Ipunched the wall with my bare fist and now it hurts like hell.

Last night we finally drove through Stoneview. Nothing there to see. It was a husk of a town, empty buildings with no glass in the windows, a dead gas station, vacant houses. There’s a statue of Isaac Hamilton in the middle of what’s left of the townsquare, both his arms are chopped off. Soembody painted something across the bottom of the satiue, it says your too late

Okay. Wait.

I just got up and splashed cold water on my face. That’s better. At least the water’s cold. The air conditioning is turned all the way up too. I’m still hot. My hand hurts like crazy. It’s starting to throb. Every few minutes I’m dropping it in the ice bucket until it starts to get numb. It actually helps.

It’s been almost a week since my editor emailed and said she’s having second thoughts about this project, all kinds of them.. I managed to finally delete the last two entries but she said already her boss is thinking this isn’t where she wants to go. They want some kind of explanation for the stuff I’m posting on this site, especially the photos that showed up last week. I said well it seems obvius to me it seems like is somebody’s hacking this site. All you have to do is log in under my name and password I said and that’s nos o hard, is it, you can put those pitchers anywaher you want, litle pitchers have big ears I said. ha

God drunk I’m damn. Wow. Probably too far gone to finish this. Maybe in the mroning but I’ll be too hungover. I just wanted to ptype this part up before I got to bed. It wasn’t the wall I punched. C. left when she took the kids she sayd this isn’t what we talked about. The kdis are having nightmares now every single ngith she siad. Yougot those fucking pitchers everywhere and they have them in there dreems of those dead childen. I said jesus christ, you have to undermine me on everythign, I got mad. Called her a lier. She said fuck you, Jeff, It’s not just the kids anymore I’m acared too. It wasn’t the wall. Since we got here last week I’m scared all the time she said. I said your’ exaaggerating again she said no I’m not I’m fucking terrified she said I’m scared of you

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